Image credit: Shutterstock

This story is a continuation of my 90-day journey to retirement. Read the first chapter HERE.

Day 65 Thursday

“I’m retiring early,” I keep telling myself and anyone else who’ll listen. And it’s true, but only a little bit since I’m already on the dark side of 60. Still, there’s a certain prestige to being able to say it. In another life I might have joined the FIRE movement (Financial Independence, Retire Early). That’s when people retire at age 38 or 46 or whatever – super early relative to the norm – and they live a simple life doing whatever they want. It’s an empowering notion and achievable if you bust your butt in extreme austerity for a couple of decades.

Too late for me though, and I do like my toys, so “a little bit early” will have to be enough to feed my delicate ego.

Day 64 Friday

Woohoo, today is payday.

It’s silly but I enjoy these days. Even though it’s just a number on my computer screen I still log in and look at it. I earned it, so why not? I recall the halcyon days of a summer job long ago when the owner would hand out envelopes filled with cash every Friday. Not legal, but it’s intensely rewarding to feel the scruff of worn bills against my fingers. No more these days, with direct deposits, credit cards, and smartphones.

“And so it goes,” Kurt Vonnegut would explain.

In a few weeks, my paycheck deposits will end, and be replaced by an electronic funds transfer from savings to checking. I’ll be paying myself with my own money – how strange. If all goes well, it will be less than the interest earned on my investments. But no matter what, the excitement of payday will be gone. I’ll have to find other sources of excitement. There are plenty.

Day 60 Tuesday

People ask me, what’s the trigger that pushed me over the edge? What specific event was it that caused me to put in my notice? It’s a fair question and one I’ve asked of many other retirees. Some had life-changing events like a layoff or a medical crisis. Others turned 65 or simply followed along with their spouse.

Here’s my inspiration:

“If you truly want to obtain Financial Freedom, don’t think of the cost of things as a unit of money, but as a unit of time.”

Ben LeFort, The Making of a Millionaire

This quote is a splash of cold water to the face. When we work, we trade our time for money. Well, no more trading for me. I don’t need more money, I’ll keep my time for myself now thank you very much.

I recognize that I’m fortunate to have earned a nice salary, with enough set aside for this very moment. Many people struggle through their lives, just to struggle in retirement. There’s a message there for all of us: Be thankful, understanding, and generous.

Day 57 Friday

I gave 90 days’ notice of my intent to retire because it seemed like a considerate thing to do. Now I’m not so sure. With seven weeks to go, it’s hard to stay focused when The Future beckons like the Sirens. Biding my time through these weeks is like getting a colonoscopy: I just want it to be over.

Day 56 Saturday

All day I pretended to be retired. I woke up early (a habit from decades of work) and started my day with exercise and meditation. I checked a few of the easy ‘to-dos’ off my list and started a big project that will take weeks to complete. It was a slow pace all day, interrupted by a brisk hike in the woods. I barbequed dinner which we enjoyed on the deck with a neighborhood couple. We popped a cork or two, and talked about life, the universe, and everything. I suppressed thoughts about work meetings and projects as best I could, and never once checked my email.

It was surprising to me that this day of faux retirement was a lot like all the other days when I don’t work. It feels like The Future will be an endless string of days that are consistently pleasant and stress-free. That would be nice.

Day 52 Wednesday

Leadership has finally figured out what they’re going to do with my team. They’re going to move everyone under a different leader and hire another developer. It’s a good business decision because the new leader is quite talented, and they can lower their salary cap. But I must say it feels weird to be replaced by a mid-level software developer.

Day 50 Friday

Well, it’s official. Today the formal announcement went out. At exactly 2:21 PM.

The rest of the day was a fog. I fidgeted and doodled and reread the announcement. It was professionally written, heartfelt, and complimentary, maybe a little too rosy. Emails blasted my inbox like buckshot, and I carefully crafted a personal message of appreciation to each. Congratulations and questions and cries of jealousy were the norm. What I found interesting were the messages that didn’t arrive. For the most part, I get along well with everyone, but in all organizations, there are a few assholes that never should have been hired. Better they stay silent than insincere.

This was the hardest day so far. I’m not particularly emotional, but the well-wishes brought tears to my eyes. I’ll miss these crazy wonderful people. Will we stay in touch? Some for sure, but most will be the wallpaper of my memories.

Day 43 Friday

The entire week has been a blur. Every meeting I’m in they talk about my departure, ask what I’ll be doing, give me advice, and trumpet their envy. I fear that I’m personally responsible for wasting dozens of hours of high-paid co-worker labor listening to stories of My Future. Hopefully, they don’t deduct it from my final paycheck.

Day 39 Tuesday

The new boss is gently flexing his authority with my team. It’s the right thing to do but it’s an awkward feeling to be watching someone else guide my team while I sit on the sidelines. I’ll bet there are a lot of ex-coaches out there that feel the same way.

Day 38 Wednesday

People across the company are asking my staff what they think about a project right in front of me. Last week they would have asked me instead. I feel like yelling at them: “Hello, I’m still here and fully capable of making decisions,” but I don’t. My long-term strategic vision is now truncated to the length of a few weeks. I suppose any decisions with longer implications are better left to others.  

Day 34 Sunday

Five weeks to go. Counting a couple of days off, that’s 23 working days. 184 hours.

You’d think it would be an easy slide into home base, but I’m in this uncomfortable limbo where I’m starting to detach from work but feeling too guilty to jump into retirement too quickly. So I bounce between dedication and daydreams.

I’ve always been proud of my work ethic, but these last few weeks I fear will test my resolve.

Here’s the next chapter: