Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash

It started out as a celebration of retirement, a three-week winter escape on the warm beaches of Zihuatanejo, Mexico. One week in an Airbnb in Zihua, followed by a week at a posh resort in neighboring Ixtapa, and the final week in a beach-view condo back in Zihua.

The two Pacific Coast towns are sister villages partway between Puerto Vallarta and Acapulco and are separated from each other by only a few miles. Each has its own bay with long stretches of sparkling sand beaches. The area is a popular tourist destination and it’s not uncommon for people to “try out” the differences between them by splitting their vacation.

Zihuatanejo (or Zihua, as the locals call it) is still an active fishing village as it has been for more than a thousand years. Ixtapa, in contrast, is a government-planned development from the 1970s specifically intended for tourism. Those who prefer the more authentic life of Mexico will appreciate Zihua, while those who enjoy a more hands-off style of vacation will be found in Ixtapa. Together, with blue skies and perpetual 70-to-90-degree weather, they make for a perfect vacation locale.

I had no expectations going into this vacation other than sandy beaches, cervezas, and tacos, but this innocent vacation turned into a Masterclass in how life should be lived at its best.

1. Assume good intent

The world is a divisive place. Actions and words are too often used as threats and weapons to punish those who think different thoughts. It’s become far too easy to assume that those who are different from us are against us, trying to bully and trick us. We’ve come to believe that every emphatic gesture is an attack, and every loud voice is a cudgel.

But that’s usually wrong. It certainly was for me.

I was bodyboarding on the beach of the small town of Troncones, just north of Ixtapa. We had arrived early and staked our claim to the shade of a palapa (large palm-covered umbrella) so we could spend the day in the surf. The water was warm, the sand was smooth, and the waves had a perfect curl. The current tended to pull us up the beach away from the palapa, but I didn’t care because in Mexico the beaches are public, and nobody has authority over the water.

An older man waded out towards me until he was knee-deep and started yelling, pointing, urging me back toward where I started. I didn’t understand his words, but I could see it was more crowded back there. I’d found a short stretch of beach that I had to myself and I had no intention of giving it up. Leave me alone and mind your own business, old man, I thought while I took another ride on the next wave. He was still there when I finished, and I turned my back on him to walk out to catch the next wave. Bam! I hammered my big toe into a rock as tall as my knee. There were rocks all over the area, sharp ones that could severely injure someone.

I spoke to the gentleman a little later and thanked him. He was from Toronto Canada and was trying to warn me in French, which I don’t speak. I went back out with his grandson and taught him how to surf with a bodyboard. They were a nice family who didn’t deserve my visceral reaction. Self-loathing was more painful than the bruised toe.

2. Naps are amazing

A siesta is common in Latin America where the temperatures can reach unbearable heights in the early afternoon. Further north, a nap may be considered a sign of laziness.

“When in Rome…,” as they say, so I suspended my type-A personality for a time and started taking post-lunch naps whenever I could. I don’t sleep for long, worried I’ll waste the day, but 20 to 40 minutes seems to work nicely for me. I wake up revitalized and energized, ready to head into town or conquer the beach.

Naps or not-taking-naps is cultural and personal. Einstein and Aristotle are famous nappers. JFK and Bill Clinton were known to split their long days with a brief rejuvenation. Ben Franklin and Ronald Regan were secret nappers, so the historians claim, although neither would ever admit it, preferring that people think they were always on the job.

Science says that naps improve your alertness and ability to think and reason, which would have helped me when I was surfing (I should have started my napping habit sooner). They also say napping will improve your immune system, but it turns out that didn’t work so well for me.

3. Kindness trumps everything

We often hear and read about the unimaginably kind acts of heroes and saints such as Mother Theresa (caring for the destitute in Calcutta), Father Damien (caring for the lepers of Hawaii), and Oskar Schindler (saving over a thousand Jews from the Holocaust). But it’s the everyday acts of kindness from people who will never be famous that matter most.

I woke up in Zihuatanejo in the middle of our third week with a positive case of COVID. My family made absolutely certain that I was comfortable, able to care for myself, and fully stocked with all the food and drink I needed. They all tested negative and grabbed the first plane out. 

I felt like one of Father Damien’s lepers, trapped in isolation while I watched the world from my balcony like a TV show. I avoided everybody I could except one person, the property manager, who confronted me one day. “Do you have COVID?” she asked. Our eyes locked and my mind swiftly calculated all possible answers and consequences (I had just taken a nap so I could reason quickly) and I sheepishly replied, “Yes.” Carmen clicked her tongue and left. Later she texted me and asked me what I needed. Each day she texted me to see how I felt. My room had another guest scheduled so she found me a fresh one and helped move me in safely. She brought me food and drink until I was no longer sick. 

Her kindness wasn’t necessary or expected, and in fact it was risky. But to me, a foreigner struck ill by a deadly disease in another country, her friendship made all the difference in the world. I owe a debt of eternal gratitude to her, which I’ll pay forward a thousand times over.

When each of us commits to being kind to others, that kindness is woven into the fabric of our society and supplants the outrage and anger we see too much. Kindness is the spice of life, and it starts with one person, me.

4. Take pride in yourself and your community

Kindness applies to one’s environment too. Despite the ubiquitous ‘No Tirar Basura” (Don’t Litter) signs, I see trash scattered across the countryside in Mexico. It reminds me of the ’60s and ’70s in America where people tossed their trash out the car window. Changing that behavior took a seismic shift in attitude, but it was each of us individually who made the difference and keep it that way today.

A small effort can explode into a revolution. I was walking to the grocery store on a path beside a gigantic stormwater spillway. It’s like the Los Angeles one you see in the moves (like Grease and Terminator). One man had climbed down the steep wall and was hunched over picking up trash. It was just one man, by himself and when I passed, he had cleared a few dozen square yards and was working on his second bag.

I returned an hour later on my way home and three young men had joined him. There were half a dozen bags up on the road and they had cleared quite a large swath. There was a noticeable change to the appearance of the spillway, and the moss, grass, and weeds now looked like a well-tended yard.

Two days hence, I walked by, and that section of the spillway still looked pristine. I saw the man working in a small but tidy garage on the side of the road above the spillway he had cleaned. He had a small shop repairing appliances like air conditioners and refrigerators. It was his business, his community, and his pride.

The most important lesson:

5. Differences aren’t different

I’ve traveled to Mexico at least a dozen times. Each trip is more enlightening than the one before. What I like about Mexico is that she grounds me. The USA is a rich country and Mexico is not, but that doesn’t matter because the people are the same. We live, work, and love the same as each other. We celebrate family, God, and country with the same irrepressible enthusiasm. 

Our food is different but it feeds us and keeps us strong,

Our language is different but our feelings and emotions are the same, 

We dance and sing to different music but our spirits express the same joy,

We’re kind to strangers,

We respect ourselves, our neighbors, and our environment,

And we love our families and our children with every fiber of our being.