Photo by Francesco Corbisiero on Unsplash

Your end-of-life plan is the most treasured gift you can leave behind

A man named Dick, a widower, age 84 died peacefully in bed on a Sunday morning. He was a friendly guy, unabashedly proud and ferociously independent. His children were devastated from the unexpected news, grieving, barely able to function. The funeral home called his eldest daughter Maggie and asked who would oversee the decisions, who would be paying for services, would they like a viewing, and did Dick prefer burial, cremation, or what?

She dropped to her knees, sobbing.

Maggie and her twin brothers Adam and Lance flew into town and met at Dick’s house to try and locate his will. They hugged each other tightly with tears and bloodshot eyes before they ventured inside. Keys to the safe were nowhere to be found. His computer was password protected.

Days became months as the family pieced together clues to his estate. The twins fought bitterly about cremation versus burial and Maggie was forced into the role of tiebreaker, making painful no-win decisions. Adam was outraged, cursed his siblings, and flew home in disgust.

It took five months, tens of thousands of dollars, and countless arguments to research and untangle Dick’s modest estate. Anger and grief left an ugly stain on their families’ relationships forever.

Don’t be a Dick.

If you care about your family, take the time to plan for your passing.

It’s a big deal

Preparing for your eventual passing can be as painful as looking at the sun. But the end is as certain as the sunset, and no matter how hard you look away, ignore, or deny, you’ll still end up dead. When you do, your next of kin will be saddled with the task of processing your estate, no matter how large or small. The challenge they’ll face amid their grief depends entirely upon you.

But you’ll be dead then, so you need to help them now.

Several legal agreements and some important lists are all you need. Even if you don’t care, they will, and they deserve to celebrate your life without having to untangle it first.

The essentials

A collection of essential information is helpful only if a few trusted family members know where you keep it and how to access it. If you keep it on a password-protected computer, you’ll need to share your password with them. If you store it in your safe, tell them where you keep the keys. If it’s at your attorney’s office, tell them who that is.

There’s no need to expose the content if you don’t care to, but end of life wishes shouldn’t be secrets. Open dialog about your medical treatment preferences, funeral plans, and financial situation will ease uncertainty and minimize future disagreements.

General information

Write down your full name, maiden name, mother’s maiden name, father’s name, sisters, brothers, and kids. Include your social security number, veteran status, place of birth, education levels, college degrees, and anything that can provide background on your identity, your family, and your life.

If you have information or items stored outside of your home with trusted friend or attorney, make a note of that.

Jot down the names of your friends and their contact information. Include anyone who should be notified of your passing.

Last Will and Testament, Durable Power of Attorney, and Medical Directives

Hire an estate attorney for these. Laws differ by state, so a local expert is your best option to ensure a smooth transition in the middle of a tragedy. It can cost $300 to $1,000 or more, but you’ll sleep better knowing your wishes will be followed to the letter.  

Your Last Will and Testament is essential to a smooth and equitable distribution of your assets. If you die without one the state will distribute your assets without your input. A will is designed to memorialize your instructions and designate a trusted individual to act as executor (who is legally required to follow your instructions to the letter). Consider your will to be a final gift to your heirs, saving them from a legal quagmire, financial decisions, and emotional conflict.

A Durable Power of Attorney provides legal authority to a specified individual who can make decisions on your behalf if you were to become unable to make decisions on your own. The concept of “durable” means that the declaration remains in force even after one becomes incapacitated. That allows the trusted individual to pay your bills and make other financial and legal decisions for you.

Medical Directives are legal instructions that specify what actions should be taken regarding your health if you’re unable to make those decisions yourself. They generally include a Living Will, Healthcare Proxy, and Medical Power of Attorney. These directives give you the power to control your medical treatments such as pain relief and heroic care, in a way that’s right for you.  

Financial Information

Regardless of your wealth, you’ll want to list the banks and brokerages where you keep your checking, savings, and investment accounts. Be sure to include contact names and phone numbers. Account numbers are nice to know, but you don’t need to list the dollar amounts.

You may also have important physical assets that aren’t readily apparent such as stock certificates, coins, jewelry, or more. If you have them hidden, be sure to indicate where. And if they’re in safe deposit boxes, you’ll need to document where those are and how to access them.

Do you owe money or do others owe you? That’s important. Typically, those documents are kept in files, so let your heirs know where to find them. If they’re at a bank or attorney’s office, capture all the details about that. If they’re handshake agreements, good for you to have such trusted friends, but be sure to provide instructions on how your heirs should treat them.

Social security offers a variety of survivor benefits so be sure to list your Social Security number as suggested in the General Information section above. If you have a pension or corporate death benefits, your heirs need to know that too.

Insurance

List the insurance policies that pay settlements directly to your beneficiaries. Life insurance can be a policy you purchased, a policy from your employer, or in rare situations from credit cards or loans.

Other insurance documents are important as well so list them along with the location where you store them. Better than a physical location is the company name, company website, policy type, and how you can access those accounts online. Some common examples include homeowners, long-term care, umbrella, liability, and automotive.

Passwords

These days, this is probably the most important list you can make and keep current. Company, web address, username, and password are the four keys that your heirs will need to ensure they can identify, access, and close out your accounts. Everything from investment brokerages to wristwatches to your internet-enabled refrigerator is important. If you’re adept at technology, you’ll have everything in an electronic password vault. If so, you only need to provide the username and password to that. If not, put it all in a single document and keep it safe.

Be sure to include the passwords to your phones, tablets, and computers.

Final wishes

It’s possible to be cremated and made into a tree or a diamond. If that’s your thing then spell it out carefully. If you prefer a traditional burial, it’s easy for your heirs to comply with your wishes when you write them down (and discuss them). Better yet, go to your local funeral home and pre-pay for your casket or urn, and all the associated costs. Take care of them now so you get a discount and save your grieving family the trouble.

Do you want a viewing, a full funeral, or a memorial? If so, include a list of people you want (and those you don’t). If you prefer that your friends avoid the formalities, make a note of it here.

Other considerations

Obituary: If you have the stomach, you can write your own obituary. Many people do, and it’s the best opportunity you’ll have to get in the last word.

Targeted gifts: It’s not always practical to include a detailed list of assets and recipients in your will. Instead, you can create a separate list that’s referenced in your will, and keep it updated as you add to your collections of pictures, furniture, and jewels.

Recurring Payments: You may have recurring payments set up for subscriptions to music, TV, apps, utilities, data storage, and a host of other services. If you list those, it will save money and a ton of time that your family would spend scouring your credit card and bank statements.

Remembrances: This is the last opportunity you’ll have to share thoughts on a topic, make declarations of love, tell jokes, reveal some long-held family secret, or get the last word in on an old argument. Just don’t be petty; you want to be remembered in a positive light.

The Dead Files

When all is said and done and your list is complete, you’ll feel a sense of calm knowing that a responsible and trusted family will take care of you and your affairs. They’ll do it the way you want, and they won’t be traumatized like the family of the fictitious Dick in the introduction.

Be sure to review your lists at least twice a year. If you need a mnemonic, remember when you change the batteries in your smoke alarms, you should scan the Dead Files too.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

-Dr. Seuss